When Eyes Are Watching: A Child’s Perspective on Competing Under Parental Gaze

Picture this: a child standing at the baseline, racquet in hand, eyes flicking to the fence where Mum or Dad is watching. Their heart’s beating a little faster—not just because of the match, but because they know someone very important is watching.

From the outside, it might seem like a beautiful moment: parents cheering on their child, sharing the experience, celebrating the highs and learning from the lows. And often, it is. But if we step into the child’s shoes, we might uncover a more complicated picture.

The Weight of Expectation

Even the most well-meaning encouragement can feel like pressure to a child. Many young players interpret parental attention as a sign that they have to win—or at least perform well—to make their parents proud. It’s rarely about fear of punishment. It’s about wanting to feel loved, accepted, and successful in their parents’ eyes.

They’re thinking:

    •    “Are they happy with how I’m playing?”

    •    “Did they see that mistake?”

    •    “Will they be disappointed if I lose?”

These thoughts can sneak in even before the match starts and stay long after it’s over.

The Inner Commentary

Children often internalize their parents’ reactions. A sigh, a clap, a shake of the head—even subtle gestures can echo loudly in a young player’s mind. They might try to read between the lines: “Are they mad? Do they think I’m not trying hard enough?”

In some cases, kids will overcompensate—trying too hard, tightening up, losing their natural rhythm. In others, they may emotionally withdraw, building a mental wall to protect themselves from perceived judgment.

When Watching Feels Like Support

That said, parental presence can be incredibly reassuring—when it’s non-judgmental and grounded in connection rather than outcome. Children thrive when they feel safe, supported, and seen for who they are, not just what they achieve.

When a child knows that their value isn’t tied to the scoreboard, something powerful happens: they play freer, enjoy the game more, and begin to develop internal motivation.

What Kids Really Want

They might not say it directly, but here’s what many children wish their parents would remember:

    •    “I’m trying my best, even if it doesn’t look like it.”

    •    “I’m learning out here—mistakes are part of the process.”

    •    “Please don’t coach me from the sidelines—it’s confusing.”

    •    “I love it when you say you enjoyed watching me play.”

    •    “Win or lose, I just want to know you’re proud of me.”

Final Thoughts

As parents, our role isn’t to guide every shot or fix every mistake—it’s to be a steady presence through the ups and downs. The journey of youth sport is as much about character and resilience as it is about technique and tactics.

So next time you’re on the sideline, consider the silent message you’re sending. Your child is watching you too—not just for approval, but for reassurance that they’re okay, no matter what the scoreboard says.

Let them know: you’re proud of the person they’re becoming, not just the player they are today.